How to find out if he is a husband material using the remote control test

We are using the remote control test to find out if he is husband material. Yes, I said the “remote control” test! Don’t raise your eyebrows because I am not talking about the evil remote control from the village. I am referring to the modern remote control; that small wireless electronic device that we use from a short distance to operate our electronic gadgets like television, DVD players, home theatre systems etc.

Ladies before you conduct this husband material test you have to first of all list out the qualities that you want in a husband. You must know what you want before you can get it. Write them down now.

Can I take a sneak peek at your list? I promise I won’t disclose it to anyone….No? Oh, I see he must look like Brad Pitt & like those two guys who were rumoured to have been deported from Saudi for being too handsome, he should be at least 7ft tall, broad-shouldered, drive a Range rover, have at least one million dollars in his bank account and also be good on….*coughs*… Alright.

It is a general assumption that before you set your mind on settling down with any guy you must spend some quality time with him to get to know him better, right? This quality time includes the time you spend watching your favourite television programs/shows together. This is the basis of the remote control test. This husband material test is best carried out when you have access to a cable television network e.g., DSTV single view decoder.

These are the steps in the Husband Material test

 Step 1: Anger Control Test

Take a look at his physique, is he lanky or muscular? If he is muscular and has an athletic body built, be careful when carrying out this test. Keep an escape route for you to run out in case things do not go according to plan.

Forget about being polite and well mannered, you are conducting a serious test here. When he is watching his favourite tv program or most especially watching his football club in the middle of an exciting game, take the remote control and switch over to another channel. Keep a straight face and observe his reaction.

•  If he shouts in anger and makes a quick move to confront you physically: It means he has a short fuse and won’t be a good husband. He will be losing his temper frequently over minor issues when you both get married. A volatile temper will lead him into making irrational decisions on the spur of the moment. These decisions may not eventually turn out well. Can you risk marrying him?
•  If he hits you and snatches the remote control from your hands: You should consider calling it quits at this stage because that is a clear sign that he will be a wife beater. You don’t want to get married to a man who will be inflicting bruises on your smooth skin at every slight misunderstanding, do you?
•  If he looks at you in the eyes and calmly tells you to revert to the previous channel: It shows he is a man in control of himself and his environment. He will be able to take charge of issues with a cool head making rational decisions. His approval ratings should go up in your mind. Marry him when he proposes.
• If he keeps quiet, says nothing and/or storms out of the room: Be very careful with him. It means he is a secretive man and will hide his true intentions/things from you in the marriage. If you go ahead to marry him you will wake up one day to see another woman with two kids showing up at your door claiming to be the mother of his two kids.

You can repeat this step up to three times, if he fails this stage you should reconsider your options in the relationship.

 STEP 2: Self Control Test (This is related to Step 1)

This could be done on the same day or a different day. As he watches the football game or the adrenaline-packed action movie, tell him that you are changing the channel soon. Let him know that you want to watch “Strangers in the village” Part 4 currently airing on Africa magic or “Lisa and Maria’ on the Telemundo channel.

•  If he takes custody of the remote control, pockets it or hides it: He is a man with selfish traits and won’t be able to make the necessary sacrifices for you if you marry him. You know selfishness comes with…err…what’s that word?…. Stinginess. This is the type of spouse that will be scrutinizing and reviewing your market list down to the last naira, reducing the quantities and striking off some items on your list. He will calculate and give you the exact amount of money for the purchase of the items leaving you with no extra bucks to buy that small silk gown hanging in the boutique showroom.
• If he gives you the go-ahead to change the channel or negotiates with you to give him some time to finish what he is watching before changing over: You should marry him! He is a man that understands the sacrifices and compromises that must be in place for a marriage to work out. Negotiating with you shows that he will seek your input before making major decisions when you get married.

STEP 3: Combining  Step 1 and 2 to rate his husband material Status

This is a combination of Steps 1 and 2. Keep on repeating the two steps randomly. At this stage, he is supposed to call your bluff and question you about your sudden obsession with the remote control.

• If he keeps on saying “Yes darling anything for you, whatever you want to watch I am okay with it” all the time: It indicates that he is not firm and assertive. He will let you ride roughshod over him in the marriage. You will be the one taking all the major decisions in the marriage. You don’t want this, do you? You need a man who is in charge and who can make decisions for both of you and not a wimp who gives the green light to all your requests/suggestions no matter how ridiculous they may be.
• If he sits you down and frankly tells you to stop testing him, clap for yourself! You have found yourself a real man who has read into you and figured out that you are up to some game. This is an intelligent man who knows the essence of checks and balances in a marital relationship and will bring you back into line whenever you go astray. Propose to him!

 Disclaimer: This test has not been scientifically, spiritually or socially proven to be 100% correct.