I used to think differently about divorce until she broke my heart. Her brokenness left a very big hole in my heart that left me hopeless and empty.
In our community, people see divorce as an abomination. And the thought of becoming a public disgrace hindered my desire of filling in for a divorce.
So, I carefully avoided any form of interaction with anyone and decided to be patient with her, the patience suddenly turns to endurance, and endurance turn to long suffering until I realized that suicide was the only way out.
For me, I had to pick suicide after reviewing the oath of ‘till death do us part’ that we took. My Idea was to free myself and free her from the suffering she claimed I brought into her life.
But when I remember that I choose her out of many, my mind bleeds, my tears struggle to speak, my hands tried to reach out for help, but I had to move into myself for fear of rejection and shame. “What would people say about me?”
I am a Pastor of the pen, a speaker of the word, and a slayer of pride but I failed woefully in slaying my self-doubt, unhealthy thoughts and impending dooms. What a World!
Let me tell you a little about me: I am the one who married depression after waiting many years without any hope of employment.
I am the one who invited depression to come and co-habit with me after receiving over 100 rejection letters from people claiming “I was not good enough”
I am that the one who lost my pride and dignity that day I came to your office to request for assistance, hope you can still remember my face.
I am the pains tingling and dancing around you, like flies I have refused to go away, until you allow me to take a little pie and fly away or knock me to the ground to die away.
Let me pause here, at first, depression was a good companion, she encourages me to drink away my sorrow. According to her, there was nothing more to life than drinking. She opened my mind to see man’s inhumanity to man and convinced me that life was better live alone than in company of people who care less about me.
To her, everyone was a suspect, I became so obsessed with her until she almost forced me to commit suicide, she broke my heart thrice. But I was only bold enough to sue for divorce at the fourth attempt.
Though it took almost a week before the process was formalize, I was free, and she was free too, if I can do it, you can do it too. Don’t be afraid, open your mind, divorce every negative thought, self-doubts and any thing holding you back from achieving your dreams.
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#SayNoToSuicide